The breakup advice
you don't want to hear.
Whether you're trying to get your ex back or finally move on, this book gives you the honest, no-nonsense roadmap most coaches are too afraid to hand you. Stop spiraling. Start building a life worth living — with or without them.
Most breakup advice tells you to "just move on" or "give it time." It sounds reasonable. It also doesn't work. What actually works is understanding why the patterns keep repeating — and having a real plan to break them.
This isn't a feelings journal. It's a step-by-step system rooted in attachment theory and real-world application.
This has become my go-to resource for clients navigating heartbreak. Cole beautifully combines science, empathy, and actionable tools to help you heal, grow, and avoid the painful mistakes that keep so many stuck. It's not just about getting over your ex — it's about coming back even better than before and stepping into your best self through the process.
After my own devastating heartbreak, I became obsessed with understanding why we struggle to let go — and how to truly heal.
I spent years diving into attachment theory, relationship psychology, and the patterns that keep people trapped in cycles of heartbreak. What I found changed everything. Today, I've helped thousands of people rebuild their confidence, heal their attachment wounds, and create the love and peace they deserve.
Ex's and No's is the book I wish I'd had when I was heartbroken. No fluff. No toxic positivity. Just the honest truth — and a real plan.
"Cole Zesiger is the coach you want in your corner after a breakup. In Ex's and No's, he delivers his trademark no-nonsense advice — hard-hitting yet deeply comforting. Cole reminds you he's been there too. And like him, you can reclaim your life, rebuild with strength, and come out even better on the other side. A must read for anyone in the thick of heartbreak!"
"This book came into my life at a time when I was hurting, confused, and searching for clarity after a breakup. Ex's and No's doesn't sugarcoat anything. It speaks truth in love. It challenged my mindset, helped me reflect on my own patterns, and reminded me that healing is about becoming stronger, wiser, and more grounded in who you are. I'm genuinely in a healthier place because of what I learned here."
"I found Cole through Instagram during a difficult period in my life. This book goes even deeper. It's honest, practical, and written in a way that feels like guidance from someone who truly understands what it means to rebuild after a breakup. It helped me move forward with more strength, self-awareness, and confidence."
"I was feeling so empty and confused for too long. I didn't know how to accept this breakup of 8 years. This book has not only helped me understand breakups but I learned so much about myself. I highly recommend this book."
The moment I sat on a bathroom floor, sobbing, trying to convince my wife to stay — and what happened after that changed my entire life.
Why write a book about breakups?
I battled with this question for three years. What could I write that would truly help someone who is in so much pain? What could I write that would offer a sense of security to someone who feels like their entire world is crumbling around them? My answer came when I thought back to who I was in the Spring of 2022. That's who this book is for: the past version of me and anyone who feels the same.
I heard my wife crying downstairs. It was her first year as a school teacher, and she had just walked in after a long day of work. I was deep into studying for the MCAT. My first thought was that she had had a difficult day at school, so I closed my laptop and walked downstairs. I found her sitting on our couch looking completely broken with tears streaming down her face.
In response to my asking her what was wrong, she asked me if I would ever agree to moving closer to her family. I answered her as I had in the past. I would not agree to move. The next words out of her mouth were words I had never expected to hear:
"I want a divorce."
I didn't believe it at first. I was the guy who had figured out life and love at 20. I naively believed that people who got divorced were quitters. Seeing the world through this lens, I didn't actually believe it was possible for her to leave me.
The next morning she told me she was going for a drive and was gone for about eleven hours. I didn't move from the couch the entire day. After close to six hours my anxiety took over and I attempted to call her close to 30 times. She declined my calls again and again until I finally gave up...
To find out what happened next — and how it led to this book — get your copy.
Continue Reading"I was blown away by this book. I expected something good — but not something this well-researched, insightful, and genuinely funny. As a couples therapist with more than two decades of experience, I was struck by the depth of Cole's understanding of relationships. His ability to blend humor, vulnerability, and solid psychological principles makes this a book I'd recommend to anyone who cares about improving their connection with others."
"Cole has an amazing way of being pragmatic about heartbreak while still navigating the emotional complexities you may face after a breakup. It's a great step-by-step tool on how to approach the many challenges you may face during the heartbreak process. If you're lost in the process of a heartbreak, consider using this as a companion on your journey."
Available in paperback, hardcover, and audiobook wherever books are sold. Stop surviving your breakup. Start transforming because of it.
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